Monday, March 10, 2008

Tire Slashing on the Tarmac

So I'm not a frequent blogger. I just don't feel like I'm good at it. But today, I will post about the time when Baltimore-Washington International Airport left me to wander the tarmac, like a child whose mother forgot about him.

Now, I was not in the United States on 9/11/01, and I wasn't much of an airplane traveler before that, but I know that airport security is tighter now. Or at least you'd think it would be. We can only bring certain things on planes in small quantities, we must remove our shoes in public, and all that. I even had to stand and wonder what was going on one time when a security officer felt the inside of my waistline. I'm still unsure of what he was looking for, assuming he is moderately chaste. Anyway, the point is, airport security is supposed to be tight, controlled, and, well, secure.

Last Christmas I flew from SLC to JFK in NYC. It was fantastic to fly into NYC when it was still dark and see all the lights of the city below. Of course, it would have been more fantastic if the child behind me hadn't been making so much noise the whole night that I couldn't sleep at all, but whatever. I waited at my gate for my flight from JFK to BWI for a couple hours. During that time, the fire alarm went off three times. Each time it would ring for several minutes. Each time, nobody moved. I looked at all the airline employees, store workers, and custodians, and they all went about their business as if nothing were blaring in their ears screaming for them to evacuate the building. I think the only thing the alarm did was to motivate more people to line up at Starbucks. I was happy to sit. I didn't want to go outside or miss my flight. I figured I'd move when I saw flames.

Finally it was time to board. We walked down the extension thing, down the stairs and outside into the frigid wind. There were ropes and painted lines clearly directing us where to go as we made our way around the plane to the door. There were also easily identifiable officials directing us. Besides the wind, there was no problem. Then we landed in Baltimore. I figured it would be similar to JFK, with ropes and lines and officials directing us to safety in the terminal. I stepped off the stairs and looked around. There was nothing but a vast, flat expanse of tarmac, and passengers milling about. Some passengers decided to head toward the terminal, but although there were many doors, none was marked as an appropriate entry for passengers. I looked and saw other passengers slowly walking in every other direction. Some passengers started to shout what they thought were the appropriate actions to take. Some told us to head for the doors, others said to stay put, and others told us to head for the extension thing that you normally use to board and exit planes. I was flummoxed. It was like the great mist of darkness in Lehi's dream. I couldn't believe that BWI would just leave us without direction to wander and explore the tarmac. I started to head for the doors that I assumed lead to the terminal. Finally, an official-looking person told us to head for a certain staircase that lead into the terminal through one of the extension things.

Doesn't it seem like a post-9/11 world would require BWI to direct us and make sure we went where we were supposed to go? I could have just run off to slash airplane tires or steal baggage off one of the trucks. Fortunately, I'm not like that, and it seems my fellow passengers were not either.

6 comments:

taylor and laney said...

you are absolutley hysterical. whenever someone's post makes me laugh outloud, they most definitely deserve a piece of cake. I will have one for you the next time I see you. does everyone out in DC apprreciate you? I surely hope they realize what they've got. and sorry about that TSA guy who put his hands in your pants.

Joseph said...

I can't wait for the cake. I think people here generally recognize what they've got in me. Perhaps the TSA guy did too, and was just trying to take advantage of the opportunity.

Camie said...

Oh we appreciate him. We just wish he wasn't so uptight about us putting our hands down his pants.

T-Love in DC said...

Joe, you impress me on so many levels!

Unknown said...

My question is: When you flew from SLC to JFK in NYC then on to BWI did you make it in time for FHE or PEC? Also I'm glad you did not slash tires or steal bags. Way to CTR. :)

Anonymous said...

What? No mention of the heroic efforts of your roommate that drove all the way to Baltimore to pick you up. Shame.

Yeah, we know what we've got.